Your Glance Met My Stare
by Sweedledome
Summary: "It doesn't seem fair the way things worked out. So many years spent having casual flings or hook ups with people because you were 'having fun'. So much time doing long distance when you could have been together. So much time wasted when you could have been loving each other. "


_**Oh hey there insomnia. We meet again. It's about six in the morning and I've been unable to get to sleep so this happened. Please don't hate me, angsty mood = angsty writing. This was inspired by a Bechloe video I saw on Youtube set to Tom Odell's 'Another Love'. The title is taken from the Pentatonix song 'Run To You'.**_

* * *

Your Glance Met My Stare

_Dark blue eyes swept lazily across the room to take in their surrounding but halted abruptly when they connected with bright blue ones from behind the bar. That was the start of it._

You squeeze your eyes shut for a few moments more, trying to hold onto the memory that's rapidly escaping your mind.

_Science couldn't explain the thrill that passed through Chloe's body as she looked into the eyes of the stranger and knew, for the first time, that the stranger was seeing her back._

You breathe in deeply, trying to escape back to the world of dreams where anything is possible and the hidden depths of those grey blue eyes are still a mystery to you, not a haunting echo of days past. You realise all too quickly you've made a mistake, because the scent staining the pillow isn't the right one. It's a heavy floral scent, pleasant enough but not the clean, barely there hint of vanilla you crave so deeply. It's not _her _smell. It's Hannah's.

_She had come into the restaurant a few times and Chloe had been captivated from the moment that first smile appeared. The girl kept up an impressive façade of boredom through most social interaction but every now and then something happened that caused her to smile. Her face split into a wide grin and a twinkle appeared in her eye that displayed her mirth at the situation. She was gorgeous._

"Morning baby." And there she is. Hannah. Hannah the IT consultant. Hannah who is smart. Hannah who likes extended Friends marathons, enjoys walks around the park and who tries to get you to sing more often. Hannah who deserves far more than this cold attitude you give her the moment things began to become even vaguely serious between the two of you.

_Chloe tried not to stare at the stranger. Honestly, she did…but somehow her gaze was always drawn back to that seat with the girl half slumped in it. Then one day, the girl happened to glance in her direction while Chloe was trying to convince herself to look elsewhere. Really, she knew it was inappropriate to be staring, that the girl would probably be extremely freaked out by a random waitress eyeing her up. Then their eyes met and something changed._

Soft arms begin to curl around your waist and you're forced to fight the urge to shove her away. It wasn't unreasonable of your girlfriend to want a morning cuddle but right now all you can think about is how Hannah's presence is impeding on your dreams. On your time with _her._

_Frantically loading the dishwasher, Chloe reassured herself that the amount of time she had spent making eye contact with the girl was perfectly normal and she could move on from this. Had she felt a connection? Yes. Did she want to immediately go over and speak to her? Yes. Was this a good idea considering she didn't even know this person's name?_

…_probably not._

Instead you choose to feign sleep, hoping the other woman will leave you alone with your thoughts. You have to hold back the sigh of relief you want to release when Hannah leaves the bed to head through to the kitchen, no doubt going to make breakfast for you because she's a good person like that. You almost want to hate her for being so nice, for bringing up that biting feeling of guilt every time you're reminded that Hannah is a decent human being who just wants you…but 'you' is something you can never give her. 'You' were lost to someone else a long time ago.

"_Chloe, I need you to cover Craig's table quickly. Little dipshit managed to break a glass against his face so now I've got to get an ambulance here for him."_

"_Bu-"_

"_No excuses Beale, get your butt over there and take their order!" Chloe swallowed and felt the thud of her feet as they carried her towards the table._

And there it was, the sound of pots and pans clanging together, each distant noise trying to tug on your heart strings and remind you that some you really should care about is standing right there in the next room. She's not the one you want though. The one you need.

"_Hi, my name's Chloe, I'll be your server this evening." She tried to maintain her composure and keep her voice from trembling as she felt those eyes staring intently into the side of her head. It didn't work, the girl's eyes were burning into her, and it felt like they were burning directly into her soul. Could it be possible she felt the same pull Chloe did? Yes, as it turns out._

"Chloe, come on, you've got to get up at some point today." You don't acknowledge her, not really. You slide out of bed and go to eat the breakfast she's set out for you without a word. You hear her sigh and you know she wants more from you, but you can't bring yourself to give it.

"_Hey…um, Chloe right?" Chloe turned round sharply at the voice behind her. The girl from the table had followed her. "I know this is going to sound really creepy and stalkerish and kinda weird but…I dunno, I want to get to know you. I was wondering if you felt like getting coffee sometime?" The girl kept glancing to the floor and back as she spoke, hands twitching nervously. It was ridiculous, she didn't even know this girl's name but not two seconds had passed before Chloe heard a distinct 'yes' come from her lips._

The day blurs past you. You get dressed, go to work, chat socially with co-workers, meet Hannah for lunch, do some more work, go home, watch a movie with Hannah (_she_ never would have done that without complaining) and go back to bed. That's all your life is nowadays. If you left yourself pause, stop for even a second, the weight of it all comes crashing down on you once more and you're lost to a sea of darkness.

"_Really Chlo?"_

"_Yeah, c'mere!" Chloe laughs and drags the brunette towards the photo booth. Beca indulgently smiles and follows her girlfriend in, shaking her head as she goes. "I want photos Mitchell so suck it up." Beca makes a few more light hearted protest but happily wraps her arms around her girlfriend of three months once they're seated and follows her lead in pulling silly faces at the camera. _

"_You're easily pleased aren't you?" She asks, grinning at Chloe who's attempting to cross her eyes and failing miserably. Chloe turns to look at her with a smile, admiring the twinkle in Beca's eyes. God, she loves it when Beca smiles, properly smiles. Not her usual smirk but that sheer unadulterated look of tenderness that leaves Chloe weak at the knees. They don't even notice the click as the camera goes off a few times more, capturing them mid lip lock._

You remember exactly where you placed those photos. Buried deep in hiding. You had to. After the first year of silent, unrelenting tears and depression, Aubrey had resolved to help you move on. You love Aubrey dearly but her 'tough love' attitude in those circumstances hadn't helped in the slightest. She thought the way forward was to erase any existence of _her _from your life. You gave her a few minor things to throw away so she could feel like she was helping but you kept the important things. You still take them out to look at sometimes, photos, letters, odd little trinkets from your time together. You can't dwell on them too long though. Otherwise your careful show of composure will falter and people will begin to worry about you again.

_Five short months and Chloe had tried to keep a level head. She really had. She'd heard all her friends describe that rush of first love but Chloe couldn't help thinking that she and Beca could end up together…like, permanently. She'd been surprised when Beca returned the sentiment given how closed off she could be. She was slowly opening up though. Allowing Chloe to see bits of her no one else had seen so Chloe had done the same for her._

No one else had really understood the way she had. People look at you and see an open book. They don't seem to get that you're friendly to everyone, but friends with few. Everyone in this world has layers, hidden facets they don't share. She had seen all of you. Completely, the very worst parts included…and she loved you. Even the parts you didn't love yourself. Hannah thinks she loves you…but Hannah has never seen who you really are, so how can she?

_Silence engulfed the room. News that serious always brings some sort of impact and for Chloe and Beca it meant their relationship just got a whole lot more serious. Despite all the late night talks about seeing a future with each other this would bring the nature of the relationship to a much higher level. It would be a lot of distance between them for an undetermined period of time. With little money between them, opportunities to see each other would be few and far between. _

"_I don't want this to be the end." Beca's voice trembled._

"_Long distance is a big commitment Beca. Both our lives are about to get really hectic. This could end badly." Chloe sighed._

"_I know. I never imagined myself doing long distance…but that's only because I never could have imagined you."_

"_Are you sure about this?" Chloe asked, eyes scrutinising Beca for any hesitance. She found none._

"_Surprisingly I am. I've never been so sure of anything in my life."_

You'd insisted on writing letters. You used other forms of communication too but something about sending letters appealed to you. She'd moaned about it of course, but she'd indulged you. You still had those too, they were with the photos. When Hannah goes away on business trips you bring them out and cry into a bottle of whiskey over what once was. It's the only time you ever allow yourself to feel anything.

You can't go through life without shutting yourself off emotionally, otherwise every day is tainted, every thought is marred by her absence. You can't handle that. So the wall goes up and you feel nothing. You feel nothing when you spend time with people who profess to be your friends, you feel nothing when you see happy couples on the street, you feel nothing when Hannah looks into your eyes and tells you she loves you. Aubrey notices, of course she does…but you seem to function normally so she leaves it. She doesn't seem to recognise that you're dead inside. It's been years since you felt a connection with anyone.

"_Nnngh. Don't stop!" Quick fingers thrust harder into Chloe, making her scream into Beca's mouth. Before she could fall over that glorious edge, the movements began to slow. "What are you doing?!"_

"_What's the magic word Chloe?" Beca laughed from above Chloe._

"_For fuck's sake Beca, move!" Chloe tried to grind her hips into Beca's hand to get the relief she so fiercely needed but Beca inched her hand away._

"_Tut tut, that's not the right word at all."_

"_This isn't fair." Chloe whined._

"_What do you want Chloe?" Beca asked, her finger returning to delicately outline the edge of Chloe's folds._

"_I want you to make me cum!" Chloe yelled, still trying to jut her hips towards Beca._

"_Beg me."_

"_Nnngh."_

"_Beg me Chloe."_

"_Fuck! Please make me cum Beca, pleeeease."_

"_That's all I needed to hear." Suddenly Chloe was filled again, fingers slamming in and out driving her, pushing her towards the edge. Beca thrust her tongue harshly into Chloe's mouth as she flicked sharply at her clit. Chloe was thrown screaming into an abyss of pleasure she hadn't felt in the months since Beca had been gone._

Sometimes you wonder if you allowed others to touch you if you might then feel something. You never let them though. Hannah's tried a few times but you always sort her out then leave. You're _hers._ You have been since the moment you saw her and allowing anyone else to touch you the way she did seems wrong. She didn't just bring you to climax physically, it felt emotional too. She was your soul mate. She _is _your soul mate. That hasn't changed now she's gone. You wish you'd gone to her. You wish she'd come to you sooner. You wish for a whole lot of things. Mainly you wish you had more time with her.

"_Happy birthday to you, happy birthday tooo yoooou, happy birthday dear Chloe! Happy birthday tooooo yoooooooooooooou!" Chloe grinned at the familiar voice reaching her through the phone. _

"_You're such a dork. You realise my birthday isn't until tomorrow right?"_

"_Yeah, but your present is arriving today and I wanted to sing you happy birthday before you got it, otherwise it's just not special."_

"_And you call me cheesy."_

"_You are cheesy."_

"_You love it."_

"_Sigh, I really do. It's pretty sad."_

"_And you love me?"_

"_Of course I do miss 'fishing for compliments', that's pretty sad too."_

"_Hey!"_

"_Joking Chlo, you know you're my world. I love you." Beca's voice turned soft towards the end, as it always did when she said those three words to Chloe. It caused a wrenching sensation in Chloe's chest that she couldn't swallow down this time._

"…_I really miss you Becs." _

"_I miss you too Chloe, so much."_

"_I know we said we wouldn't get mopey but I really need you here. Not just for week visits or however long one of us can get off. I want to be with you Becs, __**really**__ be with you. We've been doing this for three years now and it's not getting any easier. I miss you more every time you go...and I just…fuck, I just need you here with me." What was meant to be a light hearted conversation had quickly taken a serious turn but Chloe couldn't repress her desire to see Beca again. It was that same pull that had first attracted them to each other. A desire for closeness that wouldn't be ignored._

"_I'm coming back."_

"…_what?"_

"_Fuck this job. I want you."_

"_Beca…you can't, this is Dreadnought Records, it's your dream job."_

"_It w__**as**__ my dream job. It stopped being that when it took me away from you. I've got enough clientele that I can make this work where you are. Maybe I'll never get to work with the major artists I once wanted to but that doesn't matter to me anymore. I can make enough money for us to be comfortable. We won't be stinking rich but I'll have you and that's what's important."_

"_This is a big thing to turn down and I don't want you to turn it down for me._ _Take some time to think about this Beca, don't rush into this."_

"_Chloe, I've been thinking about this for months. I already handed in my notice a few days ago."_

"_Are you serious?! Why didn't you tell me?"_

"_I wanted to surprise you but when you were talking just now…I couldn't keep it back any longer."_

"_You're coming home?"_

"_I'm coming home."_

But she never did. One manufacturing company decides to save a few bucks by cutting corners on building a part that breaks and brings the entire plane crashing down. You sat in that airport for hours, not knowing what had happened. You didn't feel that cold biting dread creep in to you until Aubrey called asking if you were okay. You haven't been 'okay' since. How could you be? How could you be when you returned home to find the answering machine bleeping with a single message from Beca. Her last words to you that should have been the start of your lives together.

It doesn't seem fair the way things worked out. So many years spent having casual flings or hook ups with people because you were 'having fun'. So much time doing long distance when you could have been together. So much time wasted when you could have been loving each other. Beca was the only person who ever truly meant something to you. Beca was different. Something about you needed her, her standoffish attitude and those sarcastic remarks. Since she's been gone, there have been so many amazing people, people with far fewer flaws or emotional boundaries than Beca…but none of them were ever Beca. And now you're more emotionally stunted than Beca ever was.

Without even realising it you've sat yourself in front of the computer and have brought up the hidden file for the millionth time. A video Beca made after the first time she spent the night while you were still sleeping. She sits there in your trackies and your top with no makeup on looking perfect and she grins that mischievous little grin and for a moment you almost believe she's alive again. You can feel your heart shattering into a million pieces once more.

You're vaguely aware of Hannah yelling at you in the background. Saying she can't take this anymore. Good. She deserves better. You numbly hear the door slam and you're alone with your memories of Beca once more. It's better this way.


End file.
